writer’s block… fear

not sure where the fear comes from… i write everyday in some fashion… it seems like 2010 has been ushered in by some old literary tech tools (pen and notepads – even the yellow legal padded type)… yet i understand that this does no good for this neglected blog site… i fell that some fear or anxiety of an upcoming grant (http://centerx.gseis.ucla.edu/whole-school-transformation/tiip/application/eligibility) that a team of colleagues and i are applying for is spilling over into my public reflexive practice of blogging. i don’t know if this is just because this is the first big grant i have been a part of or what…

in any case the writer’s block phenomenon assumes before ailing you that indeed you are a writer. although i cannot honestly claim this title outright, i do enjoy the process for writing… especially when i know that not many people are going to look at it… you know things like this here blog, my thesis, personal journals, BTSA portfolio reflections… but when i know that the main goal of a piece of writing is to be evaluated and HEAVILY looked at… well then my fingers cramp up and the words get all muddled in my head. i stumble before i even start to stammer.

so this post is an exercise in trying to face my fear, shake the block. hopefully it will get me to actually aid more in the writing process of this grant more than i have been, making minimal suggestions from behind the safety of highlighted yellow text… far from the commitments of finalized word thought! sorry team : /