2nd class citizens, smokers, and California contradictions…

i have to say with some weird mixture of satisfaction and self-disappointment that i have been frequenting the reality that would have me labeled as the title of this post… it happens every so often, picking up the bad habit off again and on again. i can’t really ever put my finger on what it is that actually drives me to light up and take my place at the fringe of respectable and civilized society. at times it is a contemplative urge of a feeling, as if it would inspire deeper reflection of the immediate cerebral surroundings i find myself in. the mere presence of certain alcohol and weather patterns serves to motivate my self sabotage of health. and yet at other times it is the need to “bond” and converse with an old friend… or a complete stranger. standing on the curb at the houston airport, in transit back from a binge of tobacco (a once sacred plant to some if i recall), i found myself grinning at the circumstance of other fellow travelers and myself… pushed to the tolerable side of our cravings, like a perfect california contradiction i was, washing my rapidly unsatisfying smoke while drinking an organic naked juice… yet this quickly inspired post was not about my choices or the reasons behind them as much as it was supposed to be about spaces… the ones we travel thru, the identities we take on while in transit, the perspectives that others have of us and these identities, and the structures (both fluid and permanent) that are imposed/self-imposed by our wanderings thru life. is this what i think about when i smoke? not nearly as much as this post suggests… just this last time. a gave a fellow traveler half of my pack… and as i venture to go have my last one for awhile (a really indeterminable amount of time) i will gift the rest of this packaged death to another fortunate soul. and maybe have an interesting conversation or two…