Life Lessons (pt. 1)

it has been exactly one year since mi Abuelita has passed on to the other part of her journey. talking to my Mother today, she said she wasn’t sure she was doing enough. it got me thinking about how much is enough? questioning how much is too much? in regards to myself, being who La Profesora was as a person, i cannot say i don’t empathize with my Mother. there are more times in a week that i feel that i am living – not in her shadow – but in the reflection of light that she radiated all around her, leaving a legacy that required the president of her country to take time out of a busy politician’s schedule to pay his respects to someone who did more than enough…

which leads me back to my question as to what is enough? and when do you over-exhaust yourself to the point of ineffectiveness? when do you care so much about others that you stop caring about yourself? your wife? having spent the last 3 months being a football coach, a union “boss” (comic emphasis added), history department co-chair, learning teams lead teacher, addict meeting attendee/organizer, new school advocate/activist, and… oh yeah, almost forgot… i teach too. this pseudo resume is not meant as a list of accolades that promote the self, stimulate the ego, or ease my passing of La Profesora’s picture as i pass by in the hallway of my small apartment. it is meant to serve as a mental pause… one that allows me some space to breath, to reflect.

is what i am doing enough? for who? well that depends. if you take it in the context of this here blog then the who would have to be the children. more specifically the students of south central LA. but there it is again. that paradox. for as much as i would like to think of my readership as a huge, representative cross-section of society (global or local), this blog has evolved – like most blogs – into a personal ranting, collecting, and sharing. and as it turns out, i am sharing more with myself than anyone else by writing on this space. so in the context of me the question remains yet changes somewhat. am i doing enough? (for me) the concept of “me” is on constant flux especially when reflecting on such days as today, days that remind me that there is more to me than just the present. there is the history that came before me. the examples set. the expectations and hopes. all leading up to the present of course. so in the here and powerful now i have begun to formulate the answer to this question… with the laundry list of things that i am doing for others, i am struggling to find time to do things for myself, like the load of laundry staring me down as i write this. so what am i doing about this?

i have begun to take an interest in my health again. holistically. if i have to have so many meetings then damn it, i am going to schedule at least one of those meetings in the water, where i can see the sunset, surf some waves, and discuss union business with my co-chair… this is exactly what i did yesterday. i bolted out of school exactly at 3:30 PM (right after sitting in on an informational meeting about how we can tie the UN’s millennium goals into our curriculum – thru the dream project) today i jogged up to the griffith observatory with another colleague and friend, puffing all the while about the f#@ked up state of our school and the proper means to change it for the better (see previous rants of incompetence and times that by 4 months). it felt good to be outside, running up a trail. another sunset to appreciate. knowing that my grandmother was with me, reminding me to appreciate, to slow down, and take care of myself.

i don’t know what she did to always muster the strength and wisdom it took to raise a family, inspire strangers, and help build a movement to the one i am desperately trying to be a part of… or even if she did anything at all to hold it down the way she did. but i do know that if i am going to come anywhere close to leaving the positive impact that she left on this planet, then i cannot forget why i would want to leave this planet a better place. part of that remembering is getting out and enjoying it. part of that is allowing the planet and its inhabitants to heal me. part of that is learning how to take while giving… responsibly.

if we take the qualifier off the question and just simply ask: am i doing? then we get to the heart of the matter. i am doing. and so is my mother. you are doing… enough already. to bed with me.